Thursday, December 29, 2016

Top 10 Worst Movies of 2016

2016 was a pretty solid year for movies. But in every great film year, there are bound to be a few.....chocolate land mines in the backyard if you catch my drift. Here are what I consider to be the top 10 worst movies of the 2016.


10. Jason Bourne: Jason Bourne? More like Jason Bore! Granted, I don't follow the series entirely and maybe that's why I didn't enjoy it that much. But holy cow, this film was so boring and it felt so procedural which is something that I don't want in an action film. Matt Damon does do a good job as Jason Bourne. But that's because he's good in everything he does. Everything else falls pretty flat.


9. Chevalier: I was going to review this film after I caught it on streaming. But I feel like I had nothing to say. It does have an interesting idea about a group of men who play a special game to see who is the most masculine. But its execution was super poor. Almost nothing happens in this.


8. The Girl On The Train: Thank goodness for Emily Blunt because otherwise this film would be ranked even higher on this list. Emily Blunt tries like hell to make this movie work. But unfortunately, she's trapped in a glorified Lifetime movie. The men are portrayed as control freaks, sex objects, and/or assholes while the women aren't treated any easier. The female characters have little friends and are constantly devoted to children which to me, is a pretty tired trope. Women shouldn't always have to be portrayed as mothers on screen. One reason that this is no Gone Girl, a film it is often compared to, is because the women in that film aren't defined by their gender. There are other reasons why this is no Gone Girl. But I won't delve into each one.


7. The Boy: No other film this year had an ending that not only made me furious and actually yell at the screen when I saw it in theaters, but ruined what made everything else about the film so great. The film had intriguing scares despite its muddled premise so it was on a bit of a roll up until the ending. I don't want to ruin it because I usually never do that. But if you were to see it, and I encourage you not to, just keep in mind that the twist will not make any sense and you may end up kicking snow in anger the way I did right after I saw this.


6. Allegiant: This movie is so poor and did so poorly at the box office, that its sequel is going straight to television with not many of the cast members expected to return. I feel like I should've known from when I read the first Divergent book that this franchise was drek and is like "Diet Hunger Games." When I read the first book, it kind of made me wish I was re-reading The Hunger Games. But regardless of when or if the sequel ever gets off the ground, I won't buy a ticket or tune in.


5. Suicide Squad: What a disappointment this was. I was really looking forward to this. Not just because it looked amazing but I was glad we were going to finally get to see Harley Quinn on screen and that Margot Robbie was going to be playing her. Margot Robbie, along with Viola Davis as Amanda Waller, both manage to be the co-MVPs. But everything else was such a jumbled mess. Most of the characters are underdeveloped and reduced to tokenism, the film was way too long, and even the action is few and far in between. If you're going to make a film seem like it is nonstop action, I would hope you actually live up to that promise.


4. Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice: Now when I reviewed this film back in March, I was pretty neutral on it. But ever since I saw it, whenever I thought about it, it got much worse. Now I've read or heard that the film is getting pounced on because it's too dark and grim. That is not the problem. The problem is that the film is too much. It's too long and has too much characters along with too many storylines. It feels as if it is directed by a 12-year old comic book fan with ADHD. It does have good elements like Ben Affleck and Gal Gadot as Batman and Wonder Woman. But aside from Henry Cavill, who does the best he can with what he's given, every other actor makes the film feel like a guessing game of "Count All The Award Nominated Actors There For A Paycheck." Also, the less said about Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, the better.


3. X-Men: Apocalypse: I had a feeling this would be underwhelming when I saw it. But I went anyway because I've been a lifelong X-Men fan. Coming off of the far superior X-Men: Days Of Future Past, it's a real shame how poor this movie is. Much like Batman v. Superman, it is plagued by being overlong and having too many characters. Its few saving graces are Quicksilver's big action sequence and James McAvoy as Professor X. Also, Oscar Isaac does his best to act through all that latex as Apocalypse. But even a few good performances and one action sequence can't save such an empty, convoluted mess.


2. Passengers: Right after Chris Pratt woke Jennifer Lawrence up from her hibernation pod, I was immediately taken out of the movie. I mean, seriously, he only woke her up after he glanced at her and thought she was hot. Thinking about the fact that he woke her up after seeing how gorgeous she was and looking through her video files just makes me want to shower because it makes me feel so icky. If I were in Jennifer Lawrence's position, I would be very freaking pissed and not care how lonely Chris Pratt was. Pratt and Lawrence do have good chemistry and it's not hard to see why they would star because they got big paydays upfront. But they simply couldn't make this material work.


1. Dirty Grandpa: Does Robert De Niro know that he has something that many actors don't and that's the power to say "No"? He can avoid projects like this if he chooses and it's not like he's strapped for cash. I don't even want to talk about why I hate this movie so much. But I do want to say this: De Niro, please, make it stop!!!

Anyhow, those are what I consider to be the worst movies of 2016. Now it is time for you to share your own list of the worst movies of the year and let me know what you think of my list. Thanks for reading!!